By Jennifer Araza, BS in Child Development
We don’t always understand why certain things happen. At times it could be so easy to be mad, to play the victim, to feel shame, disgrace, or even envy. This morning, my husband and I walked into a clinic thinking we were 13 weeks pregnant, and walked out learning we lost our baby nearly 7 weeks ago.
My immediate thoughts, after heartache, were embarrassment. ”How could I not know? I told so many people, they’ll think I’m stupid.” It’s a sad truth that sometimes the meanest person we’ve ever met is our own self. It could be so easy to get angry since this is our second loss. It could be so easy to get angry because I thought I was doing all the “right” things, but what would that do?
Have you ever heard the parable about the old farmer and his horse? It goes something like this:
“When an old farmer’s stallion wins a prize at a country show, his neighbor calls round to congratulate him, but the old farmer says, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”
The next day, some thieves come and steal his valuable animal. His neighbor comes to commiserate with him, but the old man replies, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”
A few days later, the spirited stallion escapes from the thieves and joins a herd of wild mares, leading them back to the farm. The neighbor calls to share the farmer’s joy, but the farmer says, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”
The following day, while trying to break in one of the mares, the farmer’s son is thrown and fractures his leg. The neighbor calls to share the farmer’s sorrow, but the old man’s attitude remains the same as before.
The following week the army passes by, forcibly conscripting soldiers for the war, but they do not take the farmer’s son because he cannot walk. The neighbor thinks to himself, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”
It truly is a mystery as to what the bigger plan is and trusting in that is paramount. Whether there is “good” or “bad” ahead is unknown, but this very moment, no matter how hard it may seem, is a gift. A gift of opportunity to share our journey with others. A gift to allow yourself to receive love and support. A gift to recognize the incredible human beings we have in our lives that we get to call our friends and allow them to shine in their love for you. A gift to trust in the process. A gift to turn the page and start new. A gift to feel the depth of human emotion.
Let us not be a judge of what is “good” or “bad” but instead trust in the bigger picture, and trust that we are loved and cared for.
Jen is living in sunny California with her husband, son and boxer, McMillan. Jen is a writer, a joy seeker, a book worm, a self-proclaimed personal development junkie and thrives on watching others become the brightest version of themselves through diet, exercise and gratitude.